a walking oxymoron

My Unhealthy Co-worker pt2

This is a story about my unhealthy co-worker. The one I’ve written about previous. You remember right? The one who ate L&L Hawaiin BBQ for breakfast.

Yea, that one.

In the month of October, I noticed that she was frequently late to work. She would call in and say she was running late. Normally when people say they’re running late, they are referring to a couple of minutes here and there. This broad would say “I’m running late” and would frantically rush into the office at 9am. Please note that we start work promptly at 8am. MMhmmmMm.. Running late all right!

There was on particular week in October where she happened to be late numerous times. She would fall asleep at work (on duty) and during lunch she would nap (and snore up a storm).

I had no idea what the fuck was wrong with her. My older co-workers then told me that she had started seeing someone… and she’s been up late at night every single night having sex.

One Wednesday she left early. I inquired on where she went, and another co-worker said she had left for a parent teacher conference. It was about 2pm and I knew damn well parent teacher conferences don’t happen at this hour! (She has 2 children) The next day (Thursday), she didn’t come in to work. She called out sick. On Friday, she also called out sick. Monday rolled around and yep, she didn’t come in. She did call around 4pm to say that she would not be in on Tuesday either due to a doctor’s appointment. I only hoped she was going to see her damn OB/GYN or some shit because her vag must be putting in some heavy overtime.

Don’t get me wrong. I am all about getting yours. I know it’s been awhile for her but come on! Get your shit straight! YOU HAVE 2 KIDS AND A JOB THAT YOU ARE ENDANGERING ALL FOR SOME PENIS! WITHOUT THIS JOB YOU WON’T BE ABLE TO FEED YOUR 2 KIDS OKAY!

Next Wednesday rolls around and she finally shows up with a doctor’s note.

In the mornings she would whine about being tired and sleepy, but she couldn’t drink coffee.

I put 2 and 2 together. SHE HAD A FREAKING URINARY TRACT INFECTION!~

During lunch I sat in the office break area eating and reading a book. She sat with me and kept talking to me. (Isn’t a book a defensive strategy to AVOID conversation!?) So here goes our conversation…

Her: Hey. You think it’s okay for me to take Mollys (ecstasy) while I’m on antibiotics?

Me: Uhhhh.. what are your antibiotics for?

Her: oh you know, I just can’t have caffeine and stuff.

Me: So you have a UTI?

Her: uhmm yeah. So you think it’s safe?

Me: Uhhh probably NOT. It’s NEVER a good idea to take recreational drugs while you’re on any sort of medication, especially prescription medication!

Her: Why not!??!?!?!

Me: You don’t know what’s in the ecstasy dude. You are tripping. It could react to your medication and you might wind up in the hospital. Think of your kids. If you have some and you really want to do it, save it for another weekend or whatever. Your choice. Why do you want to do it so bad!?

Her: I don’t have my kids this weekend! Plus it’s Labor Day Weekend so we have no work Friday AND I requested Monday off

Me: *thinking damn, she will be getting her fuck on forreal* Well, if you really want to get fucked up or something why don’t you just stick to the natural shit. Go green.

Her: I don’t like weed. Hey, have you ever tried GHB before?

Me: No.

Her: Oh. You think that would be okay to take while I’m on antibiotics?

Me: Honestly, NO.

Seriously, what the fuck!?